Brave Face by Shaun David Hutchinson

Author:Shaun David Hutchinson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon Pulse

QUEER,

PART 1

December 1996 to January 1997

QUEER WAS THE WORD I used to describe myself. Even though I hadn’t met a single gay person around my age other than my brother, I assumed, based on the stereotypes I’d absorbed, that I wouldn’t get along with them. That we’d have nothing in common. I was an outsider amongst outsiders. I was queer.

I was also invisible. I was screaming on the inside, begging for someone to see me, but no one did.

That was, I believed, the problem. Surely I couldn’t be the only queer boy living in South Florida or suffering through tedious classes at Palm Beach Community College. I imagined them hiding in the walls waiting for someone to come along and fire off a signal to let them know that they weren’t alone. And I believed if I could figure out how to send up that flare, the queers like me would find me and embrace me and I’d discover my own beautiful thing.

“What am I doing wrong?” I asked Maddie while she sat with me on my break from Sunglass Hut. I’d finally had enough of the Gap and the impossible task of trying to keep the denim wall neatly folded, and I’d accepted a job at the Sunglass Hut a few stores down. My new manager, Carlos, was a youngish guy from Brazil who worked hard but didn’t seem to take life seriously, and we’d hit it off immediately. Selling overpriced sunglasses wasn’t much different from selling overpriced clothes, but it was a hell of a lot more fun.

Maddie gave me a constipated look, while noodles from the Chinese place hung out of her mouth. “What’re we talking about?”

“There was a guy who came to the store,” I said. “And I’m sure he was fun, but I got nothing from him when I flirted.”

“I’ve seen how you flirt.”

“Is it that bad?”

“It’s cute.”

“I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

Maddie held up her hands. “How did you know he was fun? Was he wearing a sign?”

“No—”

“Were you wearing a sign?”

I tilted my head and frowned at her. “Obviously not.”

“Then maybe he just didn’t know and was afraid you’d beat him up with your string bean arms.”

“Maybe.” I was starting to wish I hadn’t brought it up. “You register for your classes next semester?”

I shoveled food into my mouth while I ate. With Christmas a couple of weeks away, the store was slammed, and I doubted I’d get another chance to eat until we closed.

“Mostly. I’m taking physics and photography.”

My first semester grades had come in, and I’d gotten straight As for the first time in my life. I wasn’t sure whether that meant that my classes were too easy or that I was finally being challenged. “I’m taking Mrs. Harvey again for comp two.”

“Why?”

“Because she said I wouldn’t have to come to class much and that she’d let me write a short story for an independent honors project.”

“Well, okay then.”

I shrugged. “I think I’m gonna transfer to FAU next semester.”

“Really?”

“My other option is to go to the same school as Alan, and no thank you.

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